Somethings never change

Mattel has come out with a new "regional Barbie" collection. You can see the Columbia version and next to it is the Central Illinois named versions. I am torn to which Barbie I'd like to be, and I know which one I am. But like Barbie, it would be nice to change every so often.

"Highlands Barbie"


This princess Barbie is sold only at the Puckett’s. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. I Married You For Your Daddy’s Money Good Old Columbia Boy Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.










"Nifong/Rock Bridge Barbie"
" Washington Barbie"


The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.






"Clark Lane Barbie"
"Harrison Homes Barbie"

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) .unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.









"MU Alumni Barbie"
" Morton Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and gym club membership. She just here to get drunk and drive after a football game, then head to Shakespeare’s Pizza, Also available for this set are Drunk Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them; their from St. Louis.







"Garth/Worley Barbie"
" Pekin Housing Authority Barbie"

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"Peace Park Barbie"

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Peace Park Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free. --